Sex sms Jokes

☻Luv is a sensation
Luv is a sensation dat iscaused by temptation,a boy puts his location in a girls destination,do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration?

☻Good Sex
Sex is good,
sex is fine,
doggy style or 69,
just for fun or getting paid,
everyone likes getting laid!

☻Equation
Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract urclothes, divide your legs and wecan multiply!

☻Sex Guide
Bak 2 bak,
front 2 front,
on d table,lick dcunt,
stick it in,
do ur ting,
do it hard & make her sing,
tense ur body feel dcum,
den let it rip into her bum!

☻Luv me tender
Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch & smile,watch me grin,watch thecum drip down mychin!

☻Life as a penis
5 reasons not 2 b a penis
1)ur bald ur entire life
2)both ur naybors r nutz
3)an arsehole lives b’hind u
4)ur bestm8s acunt
5)wen xcited u throw up den faint!

☻Pregnant
Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in,itcant last 4eva,I no it’s a shame,dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain!

☻Flying Fuck
Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten!

☻Beat Me
Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make mecum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout!

☻£50 note tattood on yourcock
3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on urcock:
1- Ucan play wiv ur money,
2- Ucan see ur money grow
3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants

☻Bastard Rubber
D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore!

☻Nice Arse
I like your style, I like yourclass, but most of all i like your arse!

☻Cat & Rooster
cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock theres a wet pussy!

☻Love poem
Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between!

☻Bonna
There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another?

☻Cocktail
Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum!

☻Triplets or Twins
I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins!

☻How to satisfy a woman
HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job

☻Life is like a dick
Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it!

☻Rainbow
Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum!

☻Love & War
LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you!

☻Little Girl
When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace &charm,Ican get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!!

☻Virginity is like a balloon
Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever!

☻Question Time
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur wall?
A)walnuts
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on urchest?
A)chestnuts
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on urchin?
A)a mouth full ofcock!

☻The Truth
QUESTION)Wots the difference between ur job & ur girlfriend?
ANSWER)ur job always sucks!!!!!

☻Pringles
Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop, youcan't stop!!

☻Marriage
A man woz arranged 2 b married!He had achoice of 3 women!1st woz a rich docter,2nd woz a poorcleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute!WHO DID HE PICK?The 1 wiv big tits!

☻Getting Old
U NO UR GETTIN OLD IF
1)if ur age woz ur shoe size theyd b a mile long
2)doin it 5 times a nite means gettin up to piss
3)the only way u get a 69 is playin bingo

☻Baby Please
Of all the babes ur my selection,please dont giv me a rejection,my teeth areclean for ur inspection,so giv my mouth a tongue injection!

☻HOW MANY ANIMALScAN U FIT IN A PAIR OF TIGHTS?
10 little piggies,2calves,1 ass,1 pussy,1 beaver,loads of hares & 1 smelly fish!

☻Sex+drugs+rock+rave
Sex+drugs+rock+rave,lets get drunk & misbehav,on weed+speed +little e's,well get drunk & talk 2 trees,u only live once & den u die,so fuck em all & lets get high!

☻Men like toilets

Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS
1)dey r always out of order
2)dey stink
3)the nice ones r always engaged
4)deyconsume large amounts of liquid
5)rconstantlt full of shit!

☻Mary's bush

Mary Mary, quitecontrary, trim that pussy its too damn hairy!!!

☻Horny

Roses are red, voilets arecorny, when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!!

☻5 bad things to say to a naked guy

5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY
1)so dis explains urcar!
2)but still work,right?
3)r ucold?
4)shood i get a pump?
5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird!

☻Hickory, dickory, dock
Hickory, dickory, dock,dis bitch woz suckin mecock,daclock struck 2,i dumped me goo,& dropped her at da end of da block!

☻Mary had a little lamb
Mary had a little lamb,she kept it in da backyard,wen she took her panties off,his wooly dick got hard!

☻Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater

Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater,had a wife & liked to beat her,smacked her twice around da head, F**ked her arse & went 2 bed!

☻Being a student
Being a student is so much fun,wen u have degrees in playin wiv tongues,if u be my teacher in how tongues flex,we'll both graduate in hot oral sex!

☻Down on her Knees

Shes down on her knees,Eager to please,Wiv a throb of his nob in her gob,Wiv a tingle in his belly,his legs turn to jellycos shes doin a fuckin good job!

☻Cat and the Sausage

Acat tries 2 get a sausage out of a river,but gets its paws wet,then it sees a bigger 1 but falls in!MORAL OF THE STORY?The bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy!

☻Oral sex
Oral sexcan b so fine,wen u do a 69,u start 2 shake,moan & quiver,den ucum just like a river,den u lick it up in vain,wipe ur lips and start again!

☻Mary's bike

Mary had a little bike,she rode it bak 2 front,all the time the wheels went round the spokes went up hercunt

☻Rhyme
a mans ocupation
is to stick hiscockulation
up a wommens ventulation to
increase the population of the
younger generation if u want a demonstation plz lie down!

☻NewsFlash
*NEWSFLASH* Tell ALL your female friends that ican get 1000 tampons for ?1, No Strings attached but for a limited period ONLY! Its A bloody good deal !

☻Nutella
I love when you stick your little fingers in me deep and lick it all . Love always , Nutella.

☻U and the Pope
do u know what's the diference between U geting laid, and the pope geting laid?? if the pope gets laid, it's a sin, and if U get laid, its a miracle!! :)

☻Durex
Do you wan't fun Do you wan't sex Don't forget durex

☻Old Days
in days of old wen knights were bold +condoms wernt invented they tied socks around theircocks + people like u were prevented.

☻Sex, Drugs + Birthcontrol
Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll
Speed, weed and birthcontrol,
lifes a bitch, then u die,
so fuck the world
lets get high..

☻Kiss Me
Kiss's r blown + kiss's r wasted kiss's rnt kiss's unless they r tasted, kiss's spread germz + germz hated, so kiss me BABE im vacinated!

☻How many letters
How many letters are in the Alphabet?? Nineteen. Because ET went Home on a UFO and the FBI went after him!

☻My Roof?
last night I lay in my bed looking at the beautiful stars, the moon and the sky.... then I thought where the fuck is my roof??

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