Put Downs

☻She's so stupid she returns bowling balls because they've got holes in them.
- Joan Rivers on Bo Derek

☻For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
- Bob Wells

☻Can't act. Slightly bald. Can dance a little.
- Screen Tester on Fred Astaire

☻An empty suit that goes to funerals and plays golf.
- Ross Perot on Dan Quayle

☻Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper.
- Rex Reed on Marlon Brando

☻He could start a row in an empty house
- Sir Alex Ferguson on footballer Dennis Wise

☻When Kissinger can get the Nobel Peace Prize, what is there left for satire?
- Tom Lehrer on Henry Kissinger

☻Shaw writes his plays for the ages, the ages between five and twelve.
- George Nathan on George Bernard Shaw

☻He is to acting what Liberace was to pumping iron.
- Rex Reed on Sylvester Stallone

☻What makes him think a middle aged actor, who's played with a chimp, could have a future in politics?
- Ronald Reagan commenting on Eastwood's bid to become mayor of Carmel

☻Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.
- Shakespeare

☻A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

☻Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

☻He's a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic.

☻Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.

☻One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl.

☻Not the brightest bulb on the Xmas tree

☻A donut short of being a cop

☻A few feathers short of a whole duck.

☻From the British Army? Are you sure you're not from the Salvation Army?

☻Which village is missing its idiot?.

☻A Titanic intellect ... In a world full of icebergs

☻A few clowns short of a circus

☻A few beads short in her rosary.

☻As a failure, you are a great success.

☻You would be out of your depth in a car park puddle.

☻As bright as Alaska in December.

☻He's several sausages short of a barbecue. If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.

☻He's so dense, light bends around him

☻She's one tit short of an udder

☻He'll be doing joined up writing next

☻Whose brain will be donated to science and rejected?

☻He's a day late and a dollar short.

☻All Preparation, no H

☻College letters other than I.O.U

☻The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't anywhere in sight

☻You should request a refund from your university.

☻Who's several apples short of a bunch?

☻Whose doughnut is out of jam?

1 2