One Liners

☻Gorgeous, intelligent, kind, sweet, charming, witty, hilarious, friendly...well enough about ME! How are you?

☻Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

☻How do u occupy an idiot? Press down - Press up...Press Down...!

☻***NEWSFLASH*** Tell ALL your female friends that i can get 100 tampons for £1
... No Strings attached
...but for a limited period ONLY!
...A bloody good deal!

☻Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry
370HSSV 0773H

☻FRIEND SEARCH: Friend detector activated...calibration complete, now searching.....still searching....still searching......sorry, no friends found.

☻Hw do U kp a txtr in suspense? I'll tel U l8r. 

☻Press down..More...Ok more...WOW yes ahh ohh yes....almost there....oh god harder..faster..FEELS GOOD...oh goddd!...That's how I sex on text! 

☻Ths msg cn only b read by a SEXY person -
Nothing? Soz, I guess UR just not SEXY But hey, i Didnt force it ugly, so get lost! 

☻I once had One2One with a Virgin, she teased me till i had an Erikson, sucked me til my face went Orange, til I busted my Siemen all over her Nokias! 

☻Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected! 

☻HELP: Cops are after a suspect who smart, witty, sexy and good lookin...so where you gonna hide ME?

☻This is your CellPhone Operator. We just found out you're too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it. Thank you 

☻Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?

A: There is a stamp on it. 

☻A husband was asked: Do u talk to wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone 

☻Why'd they call it PMS? Cos Mad cow disease was already taken! 

☻I went to ur house justnow - can't enter cos door says *CUTE FOLK NOT ALLOWED* - pls take sign down next time ok! 

☻Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 

☻Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 

☻Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else. 

☻I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative. 

☻How many letters in the Alphabet? 19, cuz ET went home on a UFO and the FBI went after him. 

☻Don't feel sad...don't feel blue...Frankenstein was ugly too... 

☻U got Sex Appeal...U got Class...U got Moves...U got da Face, da Body....shit...I got wrong number...SORRY :) 

☻I need a kiss, I need touched, I need your love, I need warmth, I need hugs, I need sex, I need YOU! 

☻On the cellphone pad of life, always keep one finger on the disconnect key. 

☻The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children. 

☻Nope.....u still ugly! 

☻Y did the jelly baby go 2 school? Cuz he wanted to be a smarty. 

☻What u call dog with no legs? Don't matter wot u call him, he ain't gonna come. 

☻Bride's Dad hands a note to the groom: 'GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE.' Groom gave another note back to father: 'CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN.' 

☻Girls think boys are fit. Boys think girls are sexy. But hey, no worries - I sure science will come up with somin to help u. 

☻I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your back...! Nice Ass. 

☻How to impress woman: kiss her, hug her, compliment her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her
How to impress a man: Show up naked with beer. 

☻How do u keep an idiot amused? Watch this message until it goes away! 

☻It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it. 

☻Whats the best thing about babies? MAKING EM!  

☻I get enough exercise just pushing my luck! 

☻You are here: X 

☻Hickory Dickory Dock, dis bitch woz suckin me c**k, da clock struck 2, i dumped me goo, & dropped her at da end of da block. 

☻In Ikea they have a Shelf storage system called Nob - So that's the only shop you can go into and ask the assistant to wheel your Nob to the car cuz it's too heavy. 

☻Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?  

☻Jesus loves you...everyone else thinks you're an asshole! 

☻Inflexibility is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind. 

☻Q: Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation?

A: Because she threw out all the bent ones. 

☻What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar? Ok u 2, don't start anything. 

☻Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know? 

☻Bud, what happen??? tried callin many time, everytime i get operator sayin 'Sorry, The Subscriber U R Calling is having Sex, Please try again later.' 

☻Bloke calls work : "Boss, cannae come in tae work. I'm sick"
Boss asks: "How sick are u?"
Bloke: "I'm F****ing my Sis, how sick is that???" 

☻Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and lets play that game!  

☻Roses are red, Pickles are green, I like ur legs and all that's between! 

☻I like your style, you got sheer class, but babe, my god, I WANT YOUR ASS! 

☻Hey, there is Hot-sex, Group-sex, safe-sex, phone-sex, speedy-sex, crazy-sex and for people wid ur face - NO SEX! 

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