Mama sms Jokes

☻But, hey, if I wanted a comeback, christ, I'd just wipe it off Yo Mamma's chin...

☻Yo Mama like a television - even a 2 year old can turn her on!

☻You brother so hairy Big foot is taking his picture..

☻Yo Mother in law so stinky she use Right Guard and Left Guard.

☻Your Grandpa's so hairy, Jane Goodall follows him around.

☻Yo Star wars geeky friend so damn hairy, she's a stunt double for Chewbacca and her baby daughter played the leader of the Ewoks (no makeup needed).

☻Yo English teacher so damn stupid, she failed a survey...

☻Yo Sista like a mailbox, open all day and all night...

☻Yo mama's so clumsy, she got tangled up in a Mobile phone.

☻Yo mama's like an elevator - blokes go up and down on her all day. Yo Mother in law so dmamnd Dislexus when I told her to go get some Head and Shoulders...she jump on top of me Shoulders and gave me head!!!

☻Your IM buddies so damn stanky, I can smell them over the interweb

☻Only job yo ever gonna get is as a blind bird-watcher.

☻Yo idiotic Doctor so damn greasy that he uses Bacon as a bandaid

☻Yo Dog so short it's best friend is an Ant.

☻Yo Auntie so flat chested she jealous of the wall.

☻Yo girlfriend so cheap I threw her a penny for sex and she gave me change...

☻The first line in the Bible was mistranslated - it actually reads - 'In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth and yo' fat ugly Mama'

☻Yo Grandpa's house so damned cold, the Roaches ice skate around the kitchen.

☻Yo Momma house so small that I put my Key in the doorlock and broke the freakin back window!

☻I heard yo mama got fired from her job at the sperm bank - the boss caught her drinking on the job...

☻Yo baby sista's nose so long, it make Steffi Graf jealous...

☻Yo Mam so damn ugly, look like the ho was hit by the whole freakin Ugly Tree!!!

☻Yo Mama so old - heck, the first line of the Koran was mistranslated - it should read 'All praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds and Father of Yo' Mama'...

☻I heard that yo Granny was so disgustingly ugly that on a holiday to Egypt she looked up a Camel's ass and scared the hump off of it!

☻Yo Driving Instructor so damn old he got hieroglyphics on his Driver license.

☻Yo Cousin so old she drives a chariot to High school

☻I took yo Mama to the Doctor's - I tell him that she feeling poorly and that she only got 1 toe and 1 knee. Doc tells me she's contracted 'Tony'...

☻Yo Boss so damn ugly that when he leaned out the window the Police arrested him for attempted murder

☻That Grandpa of your's so stupid and poor that when I came over for Dinner he read me recipes...

☻Yo wee brother so damn hairy that he went for a short back and sides and lost 30 pounds...

☻Yo mama's chest hair so damn long, it growing all the way down to her willy.

☻Yo mama's so nice, she offered me the hair off her back.

☻Yo Mother in law so nasty, she got more clap than an auditorium.

☻I's apologise for talkin bout Yo Mama...I should know better...hell, I don't even know the Man...

☻No seriously, under all that hair yo Mama is really a Saint....a saint Bernard!

☻But really, yo Mamma is just like a golf course - everybody gets a hole in one!

☻Yo Nana still so fat she wears a Microwave as a beeper.

☻And yo Mother-in-law so huge she stole my pillow cases when she ran outta socks.

☻Yo mama should be locked away, cos every time she moons people they turn into werewolves

☻She nasty too ya know - yo daddy just got out of hospital after eating her out - he caught food poisining...

☻Yo'momma so ugly she actually is very good at her job: Being a scarecrow
☻Yo Momma Like

☻a hardware store - only 10 cents a screw.

☻a bus - only 50 pence a ride

☻a 747 - a 3 man cock pit!

☻a shotgun - first she cocks...then she blows.

☻a Hoover - she sucks, blows, and finally gets laid back in the closet...

☻a BT phonebox - on every damn corner and costs only 20p a go

☻an arcade machine - dirty, smelly, costs 20 pence and lasts 30 seconds

☻a door knob - cos everybody gets a turn!

☻the sun - if you stare at her too long you're gonna go blind.

☻a Christmas tree - everybody hangs balls on her.

☻Pizza Hut - not there in 30 minutes...it's free.

☻a Bowling Ball - she gets picked up, fingered, thrown into the gutter, yet she still comes back for more...

☻a stamp - you lick her, then stick her, and finally then send her away.

☻McDonalds ... Billions and Billions served...

☻a railroad track - she gets laid all over the country.

☻the Pillsbury dough boy - everybody loves to poke her

☻a Scooter - everybody ridin her but nobody admitting it

☻peanut butter -- oh so smooth, creamy, and easy to spread.

☻Anything Yo's

☻Yo secretary is like an ATM machine - open 24 hours...

☻Yo Female Boss like a 7-11...open 24 hours for your convenience...

☻Yo Sister-in-law like a chicken coop - cocks flyin in and out all day...

☻Yo' ex-girlfriend just like a squirrel - she always got some nuts in her mouth...

☻Your Big sis like the Bermuda triangle...they swallow a whole lotta seamen.

☻Yo' Cousin like a Penny...she ain't worth two bob.

☻Yo Auntie like a Library - open to the public.

☻Your Mummy like Blockbuster Video - everybody goes home happy.

☻Your Aunt Mary just like a birthday cake - everybody gets a piece...

☻Yo Chip shop assistant like a fine restaraunt - she only take deliviries in rear...

☻Yo Momma so Smelly

☻the government make her wear a Biohazard warning

☻she made Right Guard call for backup.

☻even the dogs won't smell her.

☻an old blind geezer walking by asked her 'yo, how much for the shrimp platter?"

☻that when she spread her legs, I got seasick...

☻she wiz playin in my Sand Box and the cat came along and buried her.

☻her poo is glad to escape.

☻that standing next to a skunk, the Skunko smells sweet!

☻that the only dis I'm gonna give her is Disinfectent...

☻that when you was being born, the doctor's and nurses all had to wear oxygen masks...

☻even sewer rats get outta her way...

☻that farmers use her bathwater as liquid fertilizer...

☻Yo Momma so Dirty

☻she has to creep up on the bath water.

☻that standin next to a tramp, she make the tramp look like a butler.

☻that her house is so dirty I gotta wipe my feet before I go back outside.

☻she lost 2 stone after taking a shower

☻that even the Swamp Thing insisted she showered.

☻that Saddam Hussain tried to import her bath water to use as chemical weapons.

☻Yo Momma so Greasy

☻Texaco buy oil from her

☻she got a job at the cinema - buttering popcorn with her leg hair...

☻her freckles slipped off.

☻the Chip Shop uses her sweat as Deep Fry

☻she sweats butter, syrup, excretes jam...and has a full time job at the 'Pancake Palace' wiping pancakes across her forheed

☻her idea of bottled water is the left over oil slime from a bacon, sausage and egg fry up.

☻she uses bacon as a band aid.
☻Your Mama So Fat

☻when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...

☻she once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!

☻folk exercise by jogging around her!

☻when she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time.

☻she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy

☻she make Kiko the Whale look like a Smartie

☻NASA plan to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer

☻she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm...

☻small objects orbit her.

☻she make olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.

☻when I tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.

☻when she farted she launched herself into orbit.

☻she lost a game at Hide&Seek only cos I spotted her...behind Mount Everest.

☻when I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on the road I ran out of Petrol!

☻she could be the eighth continent.

☻she nearly put Safeway out of business

☻the only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.

☻her Uni graduation photo was an aerial

☻when she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball.

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