Statisticians
Jokes
Statistics
Revisited
 Eighty percent of all people
consider themselves to be above average.
 Statistically speaking,
in China, even if you are a one in a million kind of guy, there are a
thousand more just like you.
 Did you know that
87.166253% of all statistics claim a precision of results that is not
justified by the method employed?
 One out of every four
people is suffering from some form of mental illness.
Check three friends. If they're OK, then it's you.
 It is proven that the
celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people
who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest.
 Here are the results of
our drug testing study on rabbits: 1/3 of the sample died; 1/3 of the
sample survived; the other one ran away.
 With one foot in a bucket
of ice water, and one foot in a bucket of boiling water, you are, on
the average, comfortable.
How
statisticians do it..
 Statisticians probably do it.
Statisticians do it continuously but discretely.
Statisticians do it when it counts.
Statisticians do it with large numbers.
Statisticians do it with significance.
Statisticians do it on random walks.
Statisticians do it stochastically.
Statisticians do it. After all, it's only normal.
Statisticians do it with standard deviations.
Statisticians do it with 95% confidence.
Statisticians do it with only a 5% chance of being rejected.
You Might Be a Statistician if..
no
one wants your job.
you
are right 95% of the time.
you
feel complete and sufficient.
you
found accountancy too exciting.
you
never have to say you are certain.
you
may not be normal but you are transformable.
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How many
statisticians does it take to change a light bulb?
"With what degree of certainty do you need to know?"
3.67 statisticians on the average.
75.23% of the population believe that it takes less than four
statisticians.
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