Sales people Jokes

A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, when a salesman runs up to him and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!"

The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?"
"It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!"

"Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?"
"No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it."

"Well, what if you hit it into the woods?"
"Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed."

"Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?"
"No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!"

The golfer buys it at once. "Just one question," he says to the salesman. "Where did you get it?"
"I found it."

A sales manager and an operation manager went bear hunting. While the operation manager stayed in the cabin, the sales manager went out looking for a bear.

He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward the sales manager, who started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step.

Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear jumped over him and went rolling into the cabin.

The sales manager jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!"

The Dictionary : what hi-tech salespeople say and what they mean by it

New : Different color from previous design.
All new : Parts not interchangeable with previous design.
Unmatched : Almost as good as the competition.
Designed simplicity : Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone.
Foolproof operation : No provision for adjustments.
Advanced design : The advertising agency doesn't understand it.
Field-tested : Manufacturer lacks test equipment.
High accuracy : Unit on which all parts fit.
Direct sales only : Factory had big argument with distributor.
Years of development : We finally got one that works.
Revolutionary : It's different from our competitors.
Breakthrough : We finally figured out a way to sell it.
Improved : Didn't work the first time.
Futuristic : No other reason why it looks the way it does.
Distinctive : A different shape and color than the others.
Re-designed : Previous faults corrected, we hope.
Hand-crafted : Assembly machines operated without gloves on.
Performance proven : Will operate through the warranty period.
Meets all standards : Ours, not yours.
Broadcast quality : Gives a picture and produces noise.
High reliability : We made it work long enough to ship it.
SMPTE bus compatible : When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound.
New generation : Old design failed, maybe this one will work.
MIL-SPEC components : We got a good deal at a government auction.
Customer service across the country : You can return it from most airports.
Unprecedented performance : Nothing we ever had before worked this way.
Built to precision tolerances : We finally got it to fit together.
Microprocessor controlled : Does things we can't explain.
Latest aerospace technology : One of our techs was laid off by Boeing.

The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.

How many salespeople does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "You don't need a new light bulb - you need to upgrade your socket to the newest version."
Just one, but it'll take technical support weeks to sort out the mess left behind.
Four. One to change the bulb and three to pull the chair out from under him.

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