Publishers
Jokes
New
Product Announcement
Announcing the
new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the
BOOK.
It's a
revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric
circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so
easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact
and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by
the fire -- yet it is powerful enough to hold ass much information as a
CD-ROM disk.
Here's how it
works: each BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of
paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of
information. These pages are locked together with a custom-fit device
called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence. By
using both sides of each sheet, manufacturers are able to cut costs in
half.
Each sheet is
scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A
flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet. The BOOK may be taken
up at any time and used by merely opening it. The "Browse" feature
allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward or backward
as you wish. Most come with an "index" feature, which pinpoints the
exact location of any selected information for instant retrieval.
An optional
"BOOKmark" accessory allows you to open the BOOK to the exact place you
left it in a previous session -- even if the BOOK has been closed.
BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus a single BOOKmark can be
used in BOOKs by various manufacturers.
Portable,
durable and affordable, the BOOK is the entertainment wave of the
future, and many new titles are expected soon, due to the surge in
popularity of its programming tool, the Portable Erasable-Nib Cryptic
Intercommunication Language stylus [PENCIL].
Books
on Tape We Don't Want to Hear
 The Communist
Manifesto as read by Ronald Reagan
 The Torah as
read by Louis Farrakhan
 The Koran as
read by Salman Rushdie
 The Anarchist's
Cookbook as read by Theodore Kaczinsky
 How To win
Friends and Influence People as read by Dennis Rodman
 Europe on $10 a
Day as read by Steve Forbes
 The Godfather as
read by John Gotti
 Uncle Tom's
Cabin as read by George Wallace
 I'm Ok You're Ok
as read by Rush Limbaugh
 Moby Dick as
read by Jonah
 Crime and
Punishment as read by OJ Simpson
 A Tale of Two
Cities as read by Ed Koch and Rudi Giuliani
 The Gulag
Archipelago as read by Josef Stalin
 Feynman's
Lectures On Physics as read by Dan Quayle
 The Joy of
Cooking as read by Hannibal Lecter
 The Wealth of
Nations as read by Fidel Castro
"Have
you written this poem by yourself?"
"Of course," said the young poet, "Every word of it."
"Well, I am very glad to meet you, Mr. Edgar Allan Poe, I was afraid
you are dead for long time."
Top
10 Children's Books Not recommended by the National Library Assoc.
 10. Clifford the
Big Dog is Put to Sleep
9. Charles Manson Bedtime Stories
8. Daddy Loses His Job and Finds the Bottle
7. Babar becomes a Piano
6. Controlling the playground: Respect through Fear
5. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
4. The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables
3. Things Rich Kids Have, but you never will
2. Let's Draw Betty and Veronica without their clothes on
1. The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead
A classic is
something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
Mark Twain
"Why
don't you have any books by Ibid? He's written a lot of important
stuff."
I went to a
bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"
She answered, "If I tell you, it will defeat the purpose."
The
Shortest Books Ever Written
 1000 Years of German
Humor
 Everything men
know about women
 The Code of
Ethics for Lawyers
 Italian War
Heroes
 Who's who in
Puerto Rico
 Americans' Guide
to Etiquette
 Royal Family's
Guide to Good Marriages
 Safe Places to
Travel in the USA
 Jerry Garcia's
Guide to Beating Drug Addiction
 Contraception by
Pope John Paul II
 Career
Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
 Cooking Gourmet
Dishes With Tofu
 Gun Control for
The New Millenium: NRA Handbook
There are three
rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
Proofread
carefully to see if you any words out.
Copying an idea
from an author is plagiarism. Copying many ideas from many authors is
research.
Anyone who
believes you can't change history has never tried to write his memoirs.
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