Philosophers
Jokes
What's the
difference between a philosopher and an engineer?
About 50,000 a year.
Graduate
student lends his advisor a book on tensed logic by Arthur N. Prior.
Advisor reads it, then tells his student that he dropped it off in the
student's mail box. Moments later the student returns, and breathlessly
exclaims: "Professor, professor. Someone's stolen my Prior."
To which the
professor sagely replies: "You're lucky around this department they
haven't stolen your posterior."
A philosophy
professor walks in to give his class their final. Placing his chair on
his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable
thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES
NOT EXIST."
So, pencils are
writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on
novels proving that this chair doesn't exist, except for one student.
He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, then turns his final in to
the astonishment of his peers.
Time goes by,
and the day comes when all the students get their final grades...and to
the amazement of the class, the student who wrote for thirty seconds
gets the highest grade in the class.
His answer to
the question: "What chair?"
Did you hear
about the guy who went to the solipsist convention?
Nobody showed up.
What happened to the existentialist who had a flat tire in the middle
of a very busy street?
He just sat in his car holding his head and repeating. "The spare, I
only reach the spare."
Will Reed
Monism is the theory that anything less than everything is nothing.
Saul Gorn "S. Gorn's Compendium of Rarely Used Cliches"
Philosophy: A
route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
A great truth
is a truth whose opposite is also a great truth.
Zenophobia: the
irrational fear of convergent sequences.
How
philosophers do it..
 Philosophers do it deeper.
Philosophers do it a posteriori .
Philosophers do it consistently.
Philosophers do it conceptually.
Philosophers do it for pure reasons.
Philosophers do it with their minds.
Philosophers think about doing it.
Philosophers wonder why they did it.
How many
philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
"Hmmm... well there's an interesting question isn't it?"
"Define 'light bulb'..."
"How can you be sure it needs changing?"
Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing over whether or
not the light bulb exists.
How many Hegelians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, of course. One stands at one end of the room and argues that it
isn't dark; the other stands at the other end and says that true light
is impossible. This dialectic creates a synthesis which does the job.
How many Zen
masters does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it, and one not to change it.
Three. One to change it, one not to change it, and one both to change
it and not to change it.
How many
existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the light bulb and one to observe how the light bulb
symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of
Cosmic Nothingness.
How many Kuhnian
constructionist philosophers of science does it take to change a light
bulb?
You're still thinking in terms of 'incremental change'--what we really
need is paradigm shift...we don't need a bulb with more attributes
added on, we need ubiquitous luminescence.
How many
Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?
 None.
Every light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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