Musicians Jokes

What does a viola player make not to look ridiculous?
He puts his viola into a violin box.

Don Sergio, who sent me this joke, says that it sounds great in french, so here it is:

Comment fait un altiste pour ne pas avoir l'air riducule?
Il met son alto dans un étui à violon!

What's the definition of a string quartet?
One good violinist, one bad violinist, one really bad violinist who became a violist, and one cellist who hates violinists, all getting together to complain about composers.

One can't judge Wagner's opera Lohengrin after a first hearing, and I certainly don't intend hearing it a second time.

A story is told that Richard Wagner was walking on a street in Berlin one day and came across an organ-grinder who was grinding out the overture to Tannhäuser . Wagner stopped and said, "As a matter of fact, you are playing it too fast."

The organ-grinder at once recognized Wagner, tipped his hat, and said, "Oh thank you, Herr Wagner! Thank you, Herr Wagner!"

The next day Wagner returned to the same spot and found the organ-grinder grinding out the overture at the correct tempo. Behind him was a big sign: "PUPIL OF RICHARD WAGNER."

How musicians do it..

Musicians do it with rhythm.
Musicians do it in quartets.
Musicians do it in rhythmically.
Musicians do it on a higher scale.
Musicians do it in the practice room.
Musicians do it according to the conductor's instructions.
Drummers do it faster and faster.
Pianists touch, tickle, and titilate.
Jazz musicians do it with improvisations.
Band members do it in front of 10,000 people.

How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to change the light bulb and four to stand around and say, "Man, if I'd had his studio time, I could have done that."

How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to climb up the ladder, one to kick the ladder out from under her and a third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."

How many altos does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can't get that high.
Two. One to change it and the other to say, "Isn't that a little high for you?"

How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the bulb and two to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

How many country & western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one, and one to go "Yeeeee-Hah !" and throw his hat in the air.

How many punk-rock musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to screw in the bulb and the other to smash the old one on his forehead.

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they have machines that do that now.
Five; one to do it and four to beat back all the guitarists who are trying to elbow their way into the spotlight.
Twenty, one to hold the bulb and 19 to drink so much the room spins.

How many flutists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he'll spend $5,000 on a Sterling silver bulb.

How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to screw in the bulb and the others to stand around and say, "I could do that better."

How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he'll do it too loudly.

How many clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.

How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb?
"One, two, one, two.."
"Hey man, I just do sound."
"Light bulbs? Why bother, they don't make any noise."

How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but she just stands there holding up the bulb and expects the whole world to revolve around her.

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