Journalists Jokes

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.

"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks. Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!"

Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the man said, "There's nothing in here about fifty people being swindled."

The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, "Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!"

Rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk in order to provide articles for people who can't read.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

How the media would handle the end of the world

USA Today : WE'RE DEAD.
Wall Street Journal : Dow Jones Plummets as World Ends.
National Enquirer : O.J. and Nicole, Together Again.
Inc. Magazine : 10 Ways You Can Profit From the Apocalypse.
Rolling Stone : The Grateful Dead Reunion Tour.
Sports Illustrated : Game Over.
Playboy : Girls of the Apocalypse.
Lady's Home Journal : Lose 10 Pounds by Judgment Day with Our New "Armageddon" Diet!
TV Guide : Death and Damnation: Nielson Ratings Soar!
Discover Magazine : How will the extinction of all life as we know it affect the way we view the cosmos?
Microsoft Systems Journal : Netscape Loses Market Share.
Microsoft's Web Site : If you don't experience the rapture, DOWNLOAD software patch RAPT777.EXE.
America OnLine : System temporarily down. Try calling back in 15 minutes.

How journalists do it..

Journalists do it on a tight timetable.
Journalists do it on the front page.
Journalists do it with special editions.
Journalists do it with cameras and tape recorders.

How many journalists does it take to change a light bulb?
"We just report the facts, we don't change them."
Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a Pulitzer prize for reporting that Electric Company hired a light bulb assassin to break the bulb in the first place.

How many computer journalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to write a review of all the existing light bulbs so you can decide which one to buy, another one to write a remarkably similar one in another magazine the next month, a third to have a big one come out on glossy paper two months later that is by then completely out of date, a fourth to hint in her column that a completely new and updated bulb is coming out, and the fifth to report a rumor that that new bulb is shipping with a virus.

How many editors does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but first he has to rewire the entire building.

Back to Index page