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There was a
farmer who raised watermelons. He was disturbed by some local kids who
would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons.
After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he
thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up the sign and
posted it in the field. The next day the kids show up and they see this
sign, it says "Warning!! One of the watermelons in this field has been
injected with cyanide."
So the kids run
off, make up their own sign and post it next to the sign that the
farmer made. The farmer shows up the next week and when he looks over
the field he notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a
new sign next to his. He drives up to the sign which read: "Now there
are two".
An agriculture
student said to a farmer: "Your methods are too old fashioned. I won't
be surprised if this tree will give you less than twenty pounds of
apples."
"I won't be surprised either," said the farmer, "this is an orange
tree".
A farm boy was
drafted. On his first furlough, his Father asked him what he thought of
Army life.
"It's
pretty good Pa. The food's not bad, the work's easy but best of all,
they let ya sleep real late in the morning."
There was a
farmer who had a herd of pigs. One day someone went to the farm and
asked the farmer: "What do you use to feed your pigs?"
"Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?"
"Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you
don't feed them like you should, they shouldn't eat wastes."
Then he fined the farmer.
Some days
later, another person arrived and asked the same question. The farmer
answered: "Well, I feed them very well. I give them salmon, caviar,
shrimp, steak...why?"
"Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think it's
unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying
with nothing to eat."
And he fined the farmer.
Finally,
another man came in and asked just the same question. The hesitant
farmer answered after a few minutes: "Well, I give five dollars to each
pig so they can buy whatever they want."
Two cows were
talking in the field one day.
First Cow:
"Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?"
Second Cow:
"Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn't it?"
On a drive in
the country, a city slicker noticed a farmer lifting a pig up to an
apple tree and holding the pig there as it ate one apple after another.
"Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about," said the city slicker,
"but if you just shook the tree so the apples fell to the ground,
wouldn't it save a lot of time?"
"Time?" said the farmer. "What does time matter to a pig?"
A farmer gets
sent to jail, and his wife is trying to hold the farm together until
her husband can get out. She's not, however, very good at farm work, so
she writes a letter to him in jail: "Dear sweetheart, I want to plant
the potatoes. When is the best time to do it?"
The farmer
writes back: "Honey, don't go near that field. That's where all my guns
are buried."
But, because he
is in jail all of the farmer's mail is censored. So when the sheriff
and his deputies read this, they all run out to the farm and dig up the
entire potato field looking for guns. After two full days of digging,
they don't find one single weapon.
The farmer then
writes to his wife: "Honey, now is when you should plant the potatoes."
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