Biologists Jokes

While driving down a steep and curvy logging road, a group of biologists loose control of their 4-wd "Jimmy" and careen down the hill. The truck piles up at the bottom of the canyon, and everyone aboard perishes. Surprisingly, they all go to heaven. At an orientation they are asked, "When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning about your death, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy, a well known botanist says, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the greatest botanists of my time, and left an eternal contribution to the botanical world."

The second guy, an ornithologist, says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful birder and made a huge difference in the recovery of our bird populations."

The last guy, a scruffy mammalogist, replies, "I would like to hear them say.. 'LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!' "

A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them with a sack over each bird and only the legs showing. He sat right on the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each set of bird legs and give the common name, habitat, genus, species, etc.

The student looked at each set of bird legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying, and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it, the madder he got. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?" With that the student threw his test on the professor's desk and walked out the door.

The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn't know every student's name, so as the student reached the door the professor called, "Mister, what's your name?"

The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, "You guess, buddy! You guess!"

When a problem gets to complicated for the physicists, they hand the problem to the chemists.

When a problem gets to complicated for the chemists, it is handed over to the biologists.

And when biologists think it is too complicated, they give the problem to the sociologists.

How do you identify a bald eagle?
All his feathers are combed over to one side.

Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which otherwise require harder thinking.

Biology Revisited

When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Thesaurus is an ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.

Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

Sterility is hereditary: If your grandfather didn't have children and your father didn't have children, you won't have children too.

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

How biologists do it..

Biologists do it with clones.
Botanists do it in the bushes.
Zoologists do it with animals.

How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes eight million years.

How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.

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