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A guy walks
into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a
fuckin' checking account"
To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?"
"Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin' checking account
right now."
"Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this
bank!"
The teller left
the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her
situation. They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be
the problem here?"
"There's no damn problem," the man said, "I just won 50 million in the
lottery and I want to open a fuckin' checking account in this damn
bank!"
"I see sir," the manager said, "and this bitch is giving you a hard
time?"
If you owe the
bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million,
that's the bank's problem.
Einstein dies
and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready.
"I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry,
but it's the best we can do and you will have to share the room with
others" he is told by the doorman.
Einstein says
that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a
great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert
is introduced to all of the present inhabitants. "See, Here is your
first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!"
 "That's wonderful!" says
Albert. "We can discuss mathematics!"
"And
here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!"
"That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss physics!"
"And
here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!"
"That's wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!"
Just then
another man moves out to capture Albert's hand and shake it. "I'm your
last room mate and I'm sorry, but my IQ is only 80."
Albert smiles back at him and says, "So, where do you think interest
rates are headed?"
At a
country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl.
Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously.
The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast
and ardent pitch. She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously
proposed marriage.
"Look,"
she said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know
nothing about each other."
"You're
wrong," the young man declared. "For the past 5 years I've been working
in the bank where your father has his account."
A young banker
decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest
tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for
his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt
that in this suit he can do business.
As he was
preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his
hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no
pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "Didn't you
tell me you were a banker?"
The young man
answered, "Yes, I did."
To this the
tailor said, "Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own
pockets?"
     
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