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An artist asked
the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on
display at that time.
"I
have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that
a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would
appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he
bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's
wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor..."
An artist had
been working on a nude portrait for a long time. Every day, he was up
early and worked late - bringing perfection with every stroke of his
paint brush. As each day passed, he gained a better understanding of
the female body and was able to really make his paintings shine.
After a month,
the artist had become very weary from this non-stop effort and decided
to take it easy for the day. Since his model had already shown up, he
suggested they merely have a glass of wine and talk - since normally he
preferred to do his painting in silence.
They talked for
a few hours, getting to know each other better. Then as they were
sipping their claret, the artist heard a car arriving outside. He
jumped up and said, "Oh no! It's my wife! Quick, take off your
clothes!"
A bumper
sticker for artists: "My other car is a bike, too."
After his wife
divorced him, Joe asked his best friend, Bill, to fix him up with a
blind date. Bill obliged. The next day Joe called up Bill and shouted
at him angrily: "Bill, what kind of a guy do you think I am. That girl
you fixed me up with was cross-eyed; she was almost bald; her nose was
long, thin and crooked; she had hair growing on her face; she was flat
chested; and her ankles were as thick as her thighs".
Bill answered: "Either you like Picasso, or you don't like Picasso."
There was this
world famous painter. In the prime of her career, she started losing
her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she
went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.
After several
weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The
painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by
repainting the doctor's office.
Part of her
work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had
finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest
work of art: the doctor's office.
During the
press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked
the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly
painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?"
To this, the
eye doctor responded, "I said to myself 'Thank God I'm not a
proctologist.'"
Artist Pablo
Picasso surprised a burglar at work in his new chateau. The intruder
got away, but Picasso told the police he could do a rough sketch of
what he looked like. On the basis of his drawing, the police arrested a
mother superior, the minister of finance, a washing machine, and the
Eiffel tower.
How
artist do it..
Artists do it
by design.
Artists do it expressively.
Artists do it with creativity.
Artists do it with emotion.
Artists do it with flair.
Artists do it with longer strokes.
How many artists
does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change it, and nine to reassure him about how good it
looks.
How many modern
artists does it take to change a light bulb?
 Four. One to
throw bulbs against the wall, one to pile hundreds of them in a heap
and spray-paint it orange, one to glue light bulbs to a cocker spaniel,
and one to put a bulb in the socket and fill the room with light while
all the critics and buyers are watching the fellow smashing the bulbs
against the wall, the fellow with the spray-gun, and the cocker
spaniel.
How many
surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
 Two. One to hold
the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored
machine tools.
 Two. One to
change it and one to throw a bucket of water out the window.
 Fish.
How many
visitors to an art gallery does it take to change a light bulb?
 Two. One to do it
and one to say "Huh! My four-year old could've done that!"
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