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An actuary, an
underwriter, and an insurance salesperson are riding in a car. The
salesperson has his foot on the gas, the underwriter has his foot on
the brake, and the actuary is looking out the back window telling them
where to go.
A
casualty actuary priced an automobile "Fire and Theft" policy with an
extremely low premium. When asked why it was so cheap, he said, "Who
would steal a burnt car?"
A man with a
wooden leg wanted to buy fire insurance for his leg. The first actuary
quoted an annual premium of $500, estimating that the leg would burn
once in 20 years and the value of the leg is $10,000. The second
actuary quoted an annual premium of $50. When the second actuary was
asked how he arrived at such a small figure, he replied, "I have this
situation in the fire schedule rating table. The object is a wooden
structure with an upper sprinkler, isn't it?"
An actuary is
walking down the corridor when he feels a twinge in his chest.
Immediately, he runs to the stairwell and hurls himself down. His
friend, visiting him in the hospital, asks why he did that.
The actuary replies, "The chances of having a heart attack and falling
down the stairs are much lower than the chances of having a heart
attack only."
An actuary and
an underwriter are watching the eleven o'clock news. A story comes on
involving a man on a window ledge threatening to jump. The underwriter
says, "I'll bet you fifty bucks he doesn't jump." The actuary says,
"I'll take the bet."
A few minutes
later they see that the guy does indeed jump. As the underwriter
reaches for his wallet, the actuary says, "Never mind. It's not fair. I
saw it on the six o'clock news." The underwriter responds, "So did I,
but I just didn't think it would happen twice."
What's the
difference between an insurance company actuary and a mafia actuary?
An insurance company actuary can tell you how many people will die this
year, a mafia actuary can name them.
An actuary and
a farmer were traveling by train. When they passed a flock of sheep in
a meadow, the actuary said, "There are 1,248 sheep out there."
The farmer replied, "Amazing. By chance, I know the owner, and the
figure is absolutely correct. How did you count them so quickly?"
The actuary answered, "Easy, I just counted the number of legs and
divided by four."
What's the
difference between an actuary and an accountant?
An actuary does much the same thing as an accountant but lacks the
accountant's bright and vivacious personality.
How
actuaries do it...
Actuaries do it
without risk.
Actuaries do it with frequency and severity.
Actuaries do it until death or disability, whichever comes first.
How many actuaries does it take to change a light bulb?
 "How many
did it take last year?"
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