Mark Twain Quotes

I never let schooling interfere with my education.
Mark Twain

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
Mark Twain

I've never let my school interfere with my education.
Mark Twain

Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.
Mark Twain

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.
Mark Twain

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
Mark Twain

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Mark Twain

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
Mark Twain

In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.
Mark Twain

It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
Mark Twain

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
Mark Twain

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress.
Mark Twain

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
Mark Twain

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
Mark Twain

It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.
Mark Twain

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
Mark Twain

It is easier to stay out than get out.
Mark Twain

It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.
Mark Twain

It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races.
Mark Twain

It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term.
Mark Twain

It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Mark Twain

It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
Mark Twain

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
Mark Twain

It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.
Mark Twain

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Mark Twain

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
Mark Twain

Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.
Mark Twain

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Mark Twain

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.
Mark Twain

Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.
Mark Twain

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
Mark Twain

Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.
Mark Twain

Loyalty to petrified opinion never broke a chain or freed a human soul.
Mark Twain

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
Mark Twain

Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.
Mark Twain

Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
Mark Twain

Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
Mark Twain

Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
Mark Twain

Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.
Mark Twain

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
Mark Twain

Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.
Mark Twain

My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.
Mark Twain

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
Mark Twain

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
Mark Twain

Necessity is the mother of taking chances.
Mark Twain

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Mark Twain

No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.
Mark Twain

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.
Mark Twain

Not until you become a stranger to yourself will you be able to make acquaintance with the Friend.
Mark Twain

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
Mark Twain

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
Mark Twain

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
Mark Twain

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we."
Mark Twain

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
Mark Twain

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
Mark Twain

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
Mark Twain

Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.
Mark Twain

Prosperity is the best protector of principle.
Mark Twain

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
Mark Twain

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
Mark Twain

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.
Mark Twain

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
Mark Twain

Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah... didn't miss the boat.
Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
Mark Twain

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
Mark Twain

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
Mark Twain

The educated Southerner has no use for an 'R', except at the beginning of a word.
Mark Twain

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
Mark Twain

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
Mark Twain

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
Mark Twain

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