Rude Song Lyrics
These are rude nursery rhymes, songs and
remakes of songs the way they should have been done...
Masturbation Song
You
don't need to use a condom
You don't need a dental dam
You don't need to say "I Love You" or "Here's Fifty
Dollars, Ma'am."
Don't need to spring for dinner,
Or wear all that sexy stuff
All you need's a set of fingers and a wanker or a muff
'Cause everybody's doin' it, all across the land
Masturbators Of America, Give Yourselves A Hand!
It's natural, and organic
It's easy and it's fun
If you don't know how to do it ask your parents how it's done
You don't need a special license
You don't need a special skill
Just unzip and slip your grip between your hips and get a thrill
'Cause everybody's doin' it, and boy does it feel grand,
Masturbators of America, Give Yourselves a Hand!
(Musical bridge, with lots of suggestive dance moves on the
ROCKER'S part. For instance, he does that one bit where you
jump backwards on one leg while playing air guitar, except that
instead of playing air guitar he's stroking air wanker.)
You can do it in the bathroom
You can do it in your bed
You can do it at a concert while you watch the Grateful Dead
You can rub it with some lotion
You can stroke it with a cloth
Arnold Shwartzenegger pounds it, Michael Jackson jacks it off
Your attitude will soften, your horizons will expand.
Masturbators of America, Give Yourself a Hand
Single
Woman's Prayer
Now
I lay me down to sleep.
Please don't send me no more creeps.
Please just send me one good man.
One without a wedding band.
One good man who's sweet as pie.
Who brushed his teeth and doesn't lie.
Who dresses neat and doesn't smell.
And is sexy like my man Denzel.
Is super-rich like Michael J.
On second thought, that's okay.
Man, if I should die before I wake,
that would truly take the cake;
No matrimony or honeymoon.
No fancy reception planned for June.
No throwing of the wedding bouquet.
Please, God, don't let me go out that way.
If I die before I meet Mr. Right
I won't go out without a fight.
But then again with my luck,
He'd probably be just some schmuck.
The single life is not that bad
I know it's just a passing fad.
I won't be blue. I will not frown.
Besides, I like my toilet seat down.
No more makeup, won't comb my hair.
So never mind this stupid prayer.
The single life will do just fine.
So what's up, girlfriend?
IT'S PARTY TIME!!!!
Walking
in a Winter Wonderland
Lacy things -- the wife is missin',
Didn't ask -- her permission,
I'm wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.
In the store -- there's a teddy,
Little straps -- like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.
In the office there's a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He'll say, "Are you ready?" I'll say,"Whoa, Man!"
"Let's wait until our wives are out of town!"
Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress -- like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!
Lacy things... missin',
Didn't ask... permission,
Wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!
Abraham
Lincoln Rhyme
Abraham
Lincoln was a good old man. He hopped out the window with his dick in
hand. he said, "Excuse me ladies, just doing my duty so why not pull
down your pants and give me some booty."
Mary
Mary Rhyme
Mary
Mary quite contrary shaved her pussy cause it was so damn hairy.
Row
Your Boat Song
Roll,
roll, roll your joint twist it at the end, take a puff, that's enough
and pass it to a friend.
Jack
and Jill Went Up The Hill Rhyme
Jack
and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana, Jack got high,
unzipped his fly, and Jill said "I don't wanna"
Jack
and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot her
pill and now they have a son.
I'm
A Little Penis Rhyme
I'm
a little penis,
Long and hard,
If you want to see it,
Come in my yard,
When I get all horny,
Then I spurt,
Push me in,
And pull me out!
Jack
Rhyme
Jack
be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack burnt off his little Dick!
Mother
Hubbard Rhyme
Old
Mother Hubbard went to the cubbard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over,
Rover took over
And the bitch got a bone of her own!
Peter
Peter Rhyme
Peter
peter pumpkin eater
had a wife loved to beat her
smacked her twice across the head
fucked her ass and went to bed
Mary
Had A Little Lamb Rhyme
Mary
had a little lamb
she kept it in her back yard
when she took her panties off
his wooly dick got hard
Hickory
Dickory Dock
Hickory
Dickory Dock
The bitch was suckin my cock
The clock struck two
I dropped my goo
And dropped the bitch off at the next block!
Little
Boy Blue
Little
boy blue,
he needed the money.
Little
Bow Peep
Little
bow peep fucked a sheep
blew a horse, licked his feet,
she ate his ass so very nice
tongued his balls not once but twice.
Mary
Had A Little Lamb Rhyme
Marry
had a little lam
it's fleece was black as coal,
and every time it jump a fence
you could see it's pink asshole.
