Library joke

A library is a somewhat easy place to annoy the people sitting around you, but for those of you with less then stellar creativity, we have made a list of things you can do...

1. Read out loud. Very loud. And slowly.

2. While pointing to a very simple word, like 'the', ask the person next to you if he/she can pronounce it for you.

3. While looking at your book, turn so you’re facing the person. Then, peer over the top of your book, and say "PEEKABOO!!"

4. Put down you book, and look over and start reading the other persons book, and, either 1) say "Ooo. Nice book." or 2) when he/she looks at you, quickly pick up your book and act like your reading it.

5. Suddenly look over at him/her, and say, "You’re one of THEM!"

6. Put down you book, and look at him/her. When they says something like "what?", cut them off by saying "Are you accusing me of something?"

7. Read your book. Upside down.

8. Read your book from right to left. And flip the pages the same way.

9. Flip the page every two or so seconds.

10. Pick up your book, put it down, and say, "Wow. That was a good book."

11. Read silently, and then as if speaking to the character in your book, say, "No, Jim! It's a trap! Don't do it!!" Then turn to the person and reply solemnly, "He did it." when he/she looks at you.

12. Turn to the person and ask, "Have you ever experienced déjà vu and amnesia at the same time?"

13. Start arguing with yourself, then when he/she looks at you funny, say "Ohh, I'm sorry. I was just telling my subconscious to be quiet."

14. Sit down, and then say to the person next to you, "Hi! My name's (…) and I'm really glad to meet you."

15. Ask him/her if he/she knew there are eddies in the space/time continuum.

16. Ask him/her what species he/she is.

17. Every so often, yelp in pain, and look at your feet.

18. Bring a bag or purse, and peer into it and say, "Got enough air in their?" or, "Settle down in there. I'm trying to read!"

19. Ask them what their name is, and then when they start to reply, cut them off by saying, "No it isn't!"

20. Break the silence by making a bodily function noise, then say, "Wow! That was a good one!"

21. Every time the person next to you turns the page, make a strange sound, or a beep.

22. Announce the page number each time you turn a page.

23. Constantly shift in your seat, and if the person next to you asked what is wrong, reply by saying, "I'm constipated. Hehe."

24. Spell every single word as you read it.

25. Chew gum with your mouth open, and smack your lips while reading.

26. Act like you’re picking your nose. And eating it.

27. Snort loudly, and gargle with your spit.

28. Sneeze a lot.

29. Hold your book right next to your eyes.

30. Every few minutes, get up out of your chair, walk around the table, and sit back down.

31. Stand up, and continue reading.

32. Make a strange sound every few minutes, then act like you didn’t do it.

33. Bring a bag of cat food, and start snacking on it.

34. Bring a box of crunchy cereal, a bowl, and a spoon. Then dig in messily, and crunch on it.

35. Ask them, “Got milk?”

36. Read out loud attempting to pronounce easy words. Butcher them badly. But be able to pronounce hard words.

37. Fall out of your seat, then say, “I meant to do that.” Then do it again. And again.

38. Bring a laptop, and turn up the sound, and play a very noisy game.

39. Wear too many sweaters, and complain how hot it is.

40. Bring one of those fans with a squirt bottle attached, and make it look like you’re attempting to squirt yourself, but hit them instead.

41. Bring a bottle of squirtable mouth freshener, and miss every time you try to spray it into your mouth.

42. Wear A LOT of putrid smelling cologne or perfume.

43. Spill that same cologne or perfume on their book.

44. Put down your book, then say, “Hey, ya wanna trade?”

45. Bring a recording of very obnoxious music, and hide it in a bag. Turn it up full blast, and accuse them of having it. Keep accusing them, then get the librarian to come. When they find it in your bag, yell, “IT WAS PLANTED ON ME I TELL YOU!!!!! IT’S NOT MY FAULT!! IT’S A GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY!! ALIENS BEAMED IT INTO MY BAG!!! IT’S BECAUSE I DIDN’T LET THEM DO EXPERIMENTS ON ME!!”

46. Without looking away from your book, say to no one in particular, “I know what you did last summer.”

47. Bring a piece of bread, and drop pieces of it down the little hole in the center of the table meant for cords.

48. While reading your book, start humming a single note until you’re out of breath, then collapse on the floor. Then get back up, and continue reading like nothing happened.

49. Start singing “This is the song that never ends. . .”

50. While placing small pieces of bread in a line, count one, two, three. . ., and lose count every ten or so.

51. Bring a recording of a popular song. Play it on headphones quietly, but sing along very badly. Then say to the person next to you, “I took singing lessons!”

52. Turn to the person sitting next to you and say to them, “Hey! How ya doin’? That’s great, me too.”

53. Instead of a laptop, bring your entire computer!

54. While working at a laptop, suddenly stand up, and announce to every one, “I have mail!!”

55. Start staring at the person, and when you have their attention, announce, “I measure sock by thickness!”

56. Turn to the person next to you, and ask them to pronounce their name backwards. When they ask you why, tell them that you are looking for hidden messages.

57. State proudly that you have been to the ‘other’ side. Give no explanation.

58. Suddenly grasp your heart, let out a wail, and fall to the ground. Then get back up like nothing happened.

59. Collapse on the floor. Then get up like nothing happened. When the person next to asked what is wrong, look at him/her with an inquiring look on your face, and say, “What do you mean?”

60. Say, “It always starts so weird, and they do it so weird.” When they ask, “What?” say, “Ohh, sorry. I’m back now.”

61. Start telling a VERY strange story, then half way through say, “Never mind.”

62. Turn to them and while pointing your fingers at them as if you were electrocuting them, say, “BUZZ!!! BUZZ!!. . .”

63. Start arguing with yourself. When they ask you who you are talking to, say, “Your just jealous ‘cause the voices are talking to ME!!!”

64. Say, “Who’s Freddie?” Then act like you didn’t say anything.

65. Say, “Argh! My central nervous system in shot! Quick! Give me blue china!!!”

66. Introduce your self by saying, “Hi! I’d like a hamburger, and a green South America please.” When they ask what your problem is, say, “Ohh, your not my fairy god mother? I’m sorry, he must have flown into the bookcases. Bye!” and run off.

67. Continuously rub a book while chanting, “Come out, come out. I know you’re in there!” When they ask what you’re doing, say, “I’m calling the book genie out!”

68. Run up to them with a book, thrust it under their nose and ask, “Will you sign my autograph?!?” Make sure you say MY.

69. Get up onto the table, and start acting like a duck. When they ask what you’re doing, say happily, “I’m roosting!”

70. Bring a bottle of glue and sniff it while counting down from a very high number. When they ask what you’re doing, say, “I’m counting my brain cells!”

71. Stick a ‘kick me’ sing on your back, and accuse them of putting it their.

72. Repeat every thing they say to you.

73. Ask them, “Have you ever had an orange juice bath?” When they look at you strangely, say, “What?”

74. Look up suddenly and yell, “Ohh no!” When they ask you what happened, say, “Nothing.” Then do it again.

75. Stare accusingly at the other person, and when they look at you, say, “Where were you on the night of February 32, 1989?!”

76. Look at one page number, then a different one. They say in astonishment, “Wow! The page numbers are in order! Cool! They guy who came up with that musta been a genius!!

77. Glance over your shoulder every few seconds.

78. Maintain a look of horror constantly, but act normal other wise.

79. Say to him/her, “You have the right to remain silent!”

80. Pat your stomach and say, “Whoa. Human extremities do not settle well.”

81. Get a child’s book like “Green Eggs and Ham” and complain that there is no glossary.

82. Find a thesaurus and say in complete astonishment, “Wow! Did you know that ‘affirmative’ and ‘yes’ mean the same thing?”

83. Say, “Omph!” like you were just shot, and while smushing a ketchup pack on your chest, fall on the floor. Then get back up like nothing happened. After that, look at your stomach, and say, “What? How’d this stain get here?” while motioning to the ketchup.