Husband
Program
Dear
Tech Support,
Recently
I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new
program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software,
severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications
that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this
phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband
1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5,
CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable
programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4 and
ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably
crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging
14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix
Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of only limited
effectiveness. Can you help, please!!
Sincerely,
XXX
Dear
XXX,
This
is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to
a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to
Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT
package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed
by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you
cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband
1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your
system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is
gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program
files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only
be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory.
Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0.
In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications,
or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install
Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more
problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your
manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You will notice that
this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I
recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this
strange and illogical system. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I
might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General
Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0,
secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the
operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL
faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great
feature enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME". Sometimes Tears
6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0
should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates
7.8.
TECH TIP!
Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and
more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\ I
APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations.
Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or
worse yet, to Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes
Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files that
are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this
tech tip!
Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all
GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run
all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program,
but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications
quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I
personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used
in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0
running smoothly. After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become
familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as
FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.
A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install
MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause
selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only
Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.
I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install
Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in
coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!
Tech Support
Follow-up
mail from tech support:
Dear XXX,
Your Husband 1.0 has been infected with the Mistress 2.1 virus. Try
Divorce 3.5 to remove present headaches.
Tech support
