Business Talk

MEMORANDUM

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do however realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers, therefore, a list of preferred new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

PREFERRED: Perhaps I can work late
OLD: When the fuck do you expect me to do this?

PREFERRED: Perhaps you should check with...
OLD: Tell someone who gives a shit

PREFERRED: Of course I'm concerned
OLD: Ask me if I give a shit

PREFERRED: I wasn't involved in that project
OLD: Its not my fucking problem

PREFERRED: I'm not sure I can implement this
OLD: Fuck it, it won't work

PREFERRED: I'll try to schedule that
OLD: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner

PREFERRED: Are you sure this is a problem
OLD: Who the fuck cares

PREFERRED: He's not familiar with the problem
OLD: He's got his head up his ass

PREFERRED: So you weren't happy with it?
OLD: Kiss my ass

PREFERRED: I'm a bit overloaded at this moment
OLD: Fuck it, I'm on salary

PREFERRED: I don't think you understand
OLD: Shove it up your ass

PREFERRED: I love a challenge
OLD: This job sucks

PREFERRED: I see
OLD: Blow me

PREFERRED: Yes, we really should discuss it
OLD: Another fucking meeting!!!!

PREFERRED: I don't think this will be a problem
OLD: I really don't give a shit

PREFERRED: He's somewhat insensitive
OLD: He's a fucking prick

PREFERRED: She's an aggressive go getter
OLD: She's a ball busting bitch

PREFERRED: I think you could use more training
OLD: You don't know what the fuck you're doing