You're A Woman
Surefire
Ways To Know You're A Woman...
You
are a Bitch.
When
asked 'Is something bothering you?' reply 'no' then get pissed off when
you are believed.
Become
attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start
dating him, and immediately expect him to stop this behavior..
Always
take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.
Always
hide very important events in very unimportant terms so you can have
something to be pissed about when your boyfriend declines because he
has pressing business, i.e. You say 'It's no big deal, but I was
wondering if you would like to visit my parents with me if you are not
busy this weekend.' when you mean 'It means a great deal to me for you
to see my family with me this weekend whether or not it is possible!'
Whine
If
you are trying to sleep, it's because you're exhausted from your almost
superhuman level of daily achievement; if he is trying to sleep it's
because he is lazy.
No
matter what the activity, he doesn't do it as well as a past boyfriend.
If
he pays attention to you, he is smothering you.
If
he gives you space, he is ignoring you.
Complain
Hate
any bar he likes
Demand
to be treated as an equal in everything - except when paying for meals,
airplane tickets, concerts, beers, clothes, etc. - these are required
gifts proving his love.
Declare
PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your cycle, tell
him you're irregular from all the stress of your life.
Remember
that ANY woman who so much as stares at your boyfriend must be labeled
a WHORE and your network of friends must be informed immediately to
spread this as quick as possible.
Make
his life miserable by making him feel guilty about doing anything other
than catering to your needs.
Break
into tears for no apparent reason.
Ask
for help in some endeavor then become livid when it is given.
Insinuate
yourself into your boyfriend's group of friends, break up with him,
then make sure you are present at every gathering for the next month
just to rub it in.
